This I Know By Experience!
THAT CHRIST HAS REGARDED MY HELPLESS ESTATE
As if that experience was not enough on its own demerits, the incident occurred while I was deep in the grip of a major clinical depression brought on by my body's reactions to a major surgery in the follow up of which I nearly died. The truama unleashed left me mentally and emotionally handicapped, struggling to find health and life.
It has been said that recovery from such a deep depression is like beginning life all over again. For my sense of self esteem, my awareness of my skills and the strengths of this new chapter in life that was certainly true. I would particularly feel like I had not past at all, or at least of a value, and no future. At times despair would wash over me and my mouth would say things while my mind and soul within screamed that they were not true.
It was gut wrenching for my wife and my youngest daughter. That daughter by God's grace lived with us through this whole time.
Even my closest friends, the one who took courage and told me I need to see the doctor because I might be suffering from depresesion, found its strong intransigence those months and months later to be excruciating, and disabling even to themselves as they tried to love me back to wholeness and life. However -
One thing remained
through every moment of that
years long trial,
the deep quiet awareness
the deep quiet awareness
that Christ himself was regarding my helpless estate,
that the Father was not condemning me and my struggle.
God's strength held me.
God's strength held me.
On ocasion I felt as though
his very arms and body
where bent over and around me and
he was crying along with me.
Yes, it was a devastating trial, a tornado wrapped in a tornado.
- But this I know -
THAT CHRIST REGARDED MY HELPLESS ESTATE
AND DAILY HE CONTINUES TO DO SO!
O My Soul.
Photos:
Joplin II by ryanmcginnisphoto @ flickr.com
White Tornado - All rights reserved by mac036 @flickr.com
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